Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
