I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
