Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
