dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Can Purell be used as lube?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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