Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
