Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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