When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
