she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
