she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
