This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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