when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this beer tastes like vomit already
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize
