if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
