my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
