ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
