Heybabeimwearingurpanties
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
