The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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