Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
