at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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