If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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