so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
