I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
