I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
