Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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