okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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