I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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