I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
