then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
