ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
