I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
