Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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