Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
