i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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