would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
