So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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