I look better un-naked...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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