i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
