I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
