I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We smell like vodka and hangover
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