I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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