i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My ass is underappreciated
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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