I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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