I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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