My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She said her name was "party"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
