yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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