I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My pussy is not your playground.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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