Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
