Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
