I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
