I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
