were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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