She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
