I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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