I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
